


Almost lover

by perfectkindofmess



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 23:31:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3956023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectkindofmess/pseuds/perfectkindofmess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alicia couldn't believe it was over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost lover

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to post this fic if I was completely sure that Matthew was not coming back for season 7. I still know nothing but I wanted to post it anyway. I just hope 6x22 wasn't the last episode of Finn because he's amazing character and I would miss him just too much.

Alicia was lying in bed with glass of red wine. She was looking at a photo that she’s received at the beginning of her campaign journey. The photo from March 18th – 8:30am to be more clear. The photo that Peter got really angry about. The photo that was supposed to get her into so much trouble. The photo that caused bright smile on her face. The photo of a man in grey suit. The photo of Finn – her best friend, fellow lawyer, _almost lover_. Alicia didn’t know why she kept that photograph but she didn’t want to let go of it. She smiled as she was staring at his face. Very handsome face, she had to admit.

Finn was a friend, Alicia had had to constantly remind herself about that recently. She started to feel something, something she definitely shouldn’t feel. It all started when he admitted he was seeing somebody. She felt like something broke inside her. She wanted to feel happy for him, she really did but all she could think about was how would that affect on them. She was selfish, of course she knew it but couldn’t help it. She just wanted Finn all to herself… But did she really want him?

She was the one who ran away, she kissed someone else when there could have been Finn. She felt the need to have sex, she needed to get laid. That’s why she chose John. He was there, he wanted her and he would never discuss their relations with her. He was _safe_. Finn wasn’t safe at all. If he was there to kiss, it would be different. It would mean something, mean a lot and that scared Alicia away. But still Alicia couldn’t stop thinking about Finn, couldn’t stop imagining how would that be with him.

When she emptied the bottle, she decided to go to sleep. She was tired and was sick of thinking about everything that will never happen. Grace walked in and said goodnight and then left her alone. Alicia was fidgeting in bed opening and closing her eyes. She started even whispering to herself. “Go to sleep. Just go to sleep. Stop thinking about him.”

She couldn’t fall asleep after all. She looked at her watch. 2:00am. _Perfect_ , she thought. She got out of bed, got dressed and simply went out of her apartment leaving Grace alone with a note ‘I’m fine, just had to do something.’

Alicia got into a cab and drove right to his apartment. She should have called first but she hasn’t thought of it. She was standing in front of his apartment not sure if she should knock or run away. She decided to knock. She held her breath when she heard the door opening. There he was standing in front of her half naked. She smiled and couldn’t stop staring at his bare chest. “Alicia?” His voice was so cute – sleepy and husky. She almost forgot why she came here.

“I know it’s late but I really need to talk to you.” She said quickly feeling her hands were shaking and sweating. Finn was looking confused.

“Alicia, I’m not alone.” He whispered looking back nervously. Obviously he didn’t want his wife to see him talking to other woman in the middle of the night. “I’ll call you in the morning, okay?”

Alicia blushed with embarrassment and nodded. One last look at Finn and she turned away to head to the elevator. She felt he was staring at her so she tried not to look back. If she looked back, she would turn around and fell into his arms with tears apologizing she’s too late. So that was it. She’s lost her chance with Finn. He wasn’t alone and for sure he won’t be alone anymore. She lost him forever and she couldn’t regret anything more.

_“Why is it too late?”_

***

Finn couldn’t fall back to sleep. He was sitting on bed watching his wife sleeping calmly with a brief smile on her pale face. She had no idea about Alicia’s visit, that Finn couldn’t sleep, that he had feelings for someone else. She was so innocent and naïve, Finn thought and felt incredibly guilty for putting her in his such a messed up life again.

 “I wish I could love you the way you love me.” He whispered and kissed her forehead but she didn’t move. He smiled at her and then went out of a bedroom. _I wish I could love you the way I love her._ Finn sat on the sofa and decided to kill some time on working on a new case. Everything was better than thinking about his feelings.

After some time he looked at a clock. 5:45am. She would wake up soon so he decided to go back to bed . He didn’t want to worry her. He slipped in bed and hugged her from back. Finn closed his eyes the moment her phone started ringing. She turned to him and kissed his forehead, cheeks and nose and then got up and went to the bathroom. Finn opened his eyes and sighed. He felt so guilty even for not telling her he’s awake. This is stupid, he thought and pretended to be asleep when she stepped in to the bedroom again.

Finn went to the kitchen at 7. She was sitting at the table drinking black coffee. He kissed her gently on lips, took her mug and took some sips. “I can make you coffee if you’re too lazy.” She said smiling. He just shook his head and sat next to her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I can see something is bothering you Finn.” She always knew. That was what he liked about her and was scared of at the same time. “Did you sleep at all? You look like the walking dead.”

“Thank you for the compliment. At least you look beautiful, as always.” He answered with fake smile. “I’m having very important case today, I’m a little nervous.”

“You’ll do great. You’re fantastic lawyer and you will kick their asses.” She was so sure of what she was saying. He could see in her eyes how much she loved him. That made him feel even worse. “And in the evening when you come home, I’ll be here with a great dinner.”

“You’re an angel.” Finn whispered as he kissed her forehead. “But I think I’ll be really late tonight so maybe it’s better if…”

“We’ll be waiting for you, Finn.” She said and smiled the moment their son went in to the kitchen.

_“Why can’t I love you? Maybe it’s not too late?”_

***

 

The metallic door of the elevator was slowly closing when Finn ran inside. He was breathing heavily like he’s just climbed on Mount Everest. When he caught his breath, he noticed he’s not alone in the elevator. Alicia was standing there leaning against the wall staring at him. She smiled sadly. She was looking terrible – her eyes were red and swollen. She must have been crying all night. Finn felt bad because he knew it was because of him.

“Hi.” Alicia whispered not looking at him. She felt embarrassed about what happened last night. She should have never let that happen.

“Hi.” He said not knowing what to add. Finn wanted to talk to her but didn’t know how to start. “Is everything okay?” He was really worried. They didn’t talk yesterday after all and he wasn’t sure why she came to him in a first place. “Have you been crying Alicia?”

“What? No, I’m fine. Everything’s just fine.” Her voice was so quiet and trembling he could barely hear her. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay. Do you want to talk now?”

“No.” She shook her head. The door opened – it was her floor. She stepped out of the elevator and turned around to face him. “It’s irrelevant now.”

He went to his office and tried to focus on his work but couldn’t really. He couldn’t stop thinking about Alicia. Of course it was relevant what she wanted to say to him. It mattered to him as hell. They should talk about it, they _needed_ to talk about it. But was it really fair to his wife? He had to constantly remind himself that he was with her now. He couldn’t just drop everything and run to Alicia when she needed him. But he always wanted to be near her.

“This is stupid.” He whispered to himself. Alicia used him so many times, she always expected him to be on her every call. And he always was. And that e-mail. He didn’t want to admit it but it really hurt him. She called him soft and malleable and though she apologized, he didn’t believe her really. He was soft to her, that was true.

It’s time, he thought and went out of his office. Alicia was sitting in hers when he stepped in. She didn’t look any better. Actually she was looking even worse – like she’s just stopped crying. “We do need to talk.”

“Okay.” She nodded and stood up. “Finn, I am really sorry, for many things. I actually shouldn’t stop apologizing to you. I’m sorry for that e-mail. I’m sorry for calling you soft and malleable. I don’t really think that of you. I’m sorry that I came to you yesterday night. It was stupid, I don’t know what I was thinking. It won’t happen again, I promise. And you have to know that I’m really happy for you. I’m glad you’re with your wife again…”

“I’m leaving.” He interrupted her. She blinked and frowned like she didn’t understand what he’s just said. “This is too hard for me Alicia. I think it will be better if…”

“For who?” She asked bitterly. “I’m sure not for me. Finn, I love spending time with you, I _need you_ to be around.”

“That’s the problem Alicia. You always need me to do something. And I can’t do it anymore.” Finn felt that the tears started filling in his eyes which he had to stop. He closed his eyes and sighed. “I can’t see you anymore. I’m leaving for New York. We want to go home and start everything again.”

“You’re leaving because of me?” Alicia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It couldn’t just be over for them.

“Yes. Because I think I don’t like you anymore.” He whispered as he came closer to her. Finn kissed her forehead and she held her breath. “But I will always love you.”

After those words he just went out leaving Alicia speechless. The tears started streaming down her face but she didn’t care anymore. All she could care about was a man that she fell in love with, that truly loved her, was leaving her and never coming back.

_“I can’t believe it’s too late. Goodbye my almost lover.”_


End file.
